Chris McGrane

So a lot has been going on. But not really, I like to think a lot does, but for the most part, I still have a ridiculous amount of free time, always. Maybe I’m living in a world where people magically are all busy except I am, and I just stroll a long savoring each moment, or worrying about all the time I waste becuase of this. Anyway, becuase of my Viraling campaign, I’ve gotten a bunch of offers to do stuff for people, bands and labels. Whether it will all work out, I have no idea. It makes me kind of sick to think that I try so hard to make it for my music, and people want me for my graphic work instead, go figure. It’s like no one appreciates the music I make becuase it’s not generic enough. I try to make it original, but I guess it just comes out as garbage. I go off to college in a few days, I don’t know what’s going to happen with all of that, I think I forgot to do some sort of drug test thing, I don’t remember. But yea, I have to go to Starbucks to throw away my life working some stupid job. Things aren’t looking so hot for that dream of mine, but I still dream of it. Everyday.

So it’s Sunday night, and I’m still recovering from the last couple days. I started a viral market campaign based off the one Fall out Boy is doing just for fun. It turned out that it got huge and I used my old domain “populartruth.com” to host it. I got over 20,000 views and near 2,000 posts on Absolutepunk regarding it. At first I thought it would be cool and all to do something like this, until people started getting my contact info. I got numerous emails, messages, and IM’s, and when I say numerous, I mean hundreds. It was crazy and I’m still cleaning things up, but I’ve realized that those 15 minutes of fame aren’t what they are cracked up to be. So now, I’m just back to normal things, being bored, especially tonight. I’m going to college in a week and I just got a job at Starbucks, so hopefully this doesn’t suck.

Yeah, that’s about it, sorry I haven’t updated in a while.

Before I write anything, read these lyrics (I post another song further down in italics) from XO, one of the most inspirational bands I’ve heard lately. Ironically, it’s a side project from Say Anything, by Jake and Jeff turner.

Waltz around the house alone to the music in your head,
Lay in bed on rainy days and I hold you like a child and kiss your head,
But all these states are in my way,
So I wont be there tonight,
But soon the day will come when I wake up in a bed next to you,
Ill wait for you,
Waltz around the house alone feel the boards below your feet,
But all these states are in my way,
So I wont be there tonight,
But ill drive all night and I’ll follow the lines to see you again.
Ill wait for you.

And right about now is the time where I wish instead of Autumn coming, a big white blanket of snow would fall on the ground and make it winter. Seasons always confused me, especially the way people act because of them. As for myself, I definitely experience higher lows and highs in the colder seasons. And also I hate the world definitely because I can never spell it correctly. I feel like a fool. But anyway, I wish winter would come and wipe out everything, the vegetation, the roads, roofs, trees, just cover everything and make it cold out. I feel this way because Summer and Winter are both very definitive seasons, and in both I feel comfortable with being who I am. Fall and Spring take me by surprise and fill my head with doubt that I even accomplished anything in the season before. Come this fall, what will I look back at? A summer of staying inside, waiting for phone calls, not making or building anything and sleeping all day? I feel disgusted with my lack of motivation and creativity. I’ve tried reverting to old interests that used to inspire me, and I can’t even start. There’s no infrastructure to build from, it’s deteriorated from the constant wear of laze. My only thing to look forward to is going to the beach with Adrian in hopes to pick up girls, but really, none of them are even decent anyways and nothing ever happens. Playing guitar for the sole purpose of getting girls has made my music suck. I swear. Everything I play is just…it’s sickening how bland and generic it is. There’s no creativity or risks. Nothing there used to be. I feel like in the past, at least from what I can remember, I always put my mind in front of my everything. I used to think past the norm and wrote some out there, yet still enjoyable songs. Like ET rides again was a favorite by many but really, I wrote it because of someone and not a “feeling”. My music isn’t as specific as it once was. And now I have this Courage project and I’m stuck because the direction I want to move toward spits me out because it realizes that I’m nowhere near the person I was. People try to tell me I’m inspirational, all these blogs I write, tons more I don’t post, but really, I never follow my own “good” advice. I can tell a hundred people how to cross the red sea but I could never part it for myself. It’s all because of a decision I made. A long long time ago, I isolated myself from people in fear of being judged or criticized because people are cruel and judgmental now a days, I’m one of them for sure, but it made me into a very insecure person currently. But I find myself unproductive because I can imagine the solution to my lack of productivity, but I never take a step to get past it. I always say tomorrow or next week, and I always do things last minute. All I really want, all I really really want, all I really desire with all my heart that feels ok, is driving south or west past statelines and interstate highways, touring and playing music for strangers, spilling my heart, just me and my guitar and my closest friends. That’s what I want with my life. I don’t want children, I don’t want to cure global warming or be famous. I don’t want to make a lot of money or be respected. I just want to be on that open road without any worries except getting to point B, and loving the world around me in it’s glory. The mountains in the distant, dusk, sunset, morning, the frigid winter air in the morning, or the humid evenings of summer, I want it to fill my senses and drift around me. All I want is that. To be in a place where my heart speaks for me and understands why I did it all along. I’m not very excited for college. I wish I could say no and just turn around and buy a van. But because of my laziness I never made a lasting band. I never set myself up for my dream. But I haven’t given up hope and things happen for a reason. But if I have to write a perfect CD to get out there on the coast, I will. If I have to throw away everything I would. All I want is that security in myself, to reach an equilibrium amongst my desires and my life. My basic needs to meet my dream. And as I hope for winter I realize maybe it’s because things are slow in the winter, and maybe I want my life to be snowed in on, to be stuck so I can think and create. But I need to push myself, I need to learn to get outside and build a fort out of stick like when I was a kid. I need to treat others better and accept the cruelty. And while I’m still convinced no one reads this silly blog of mine, I have hope that I’ll come back to this, accomplished and smile. So please, if you have some words of encouragement, please comment this. I would for you.

Do you remember when we ran through the blizzard from the train station?
the snow in new york covered up half of the door and yet we still would brave it.
all we could do was sit practice our tunes and maybe watch an episode of lost,
we slept on the blow up mattress and talked about how lucky we were to be here,
you helped me through the door,
that we’ve stared at since i can remember,
i’d watch the city from the window on the train,
you can’t sit still for anything but it’s out stop so it won’t matter anyway.
it was early december when the call from our leader established our new assignment,
in atlanta we tried to make things work but found ourselves feeling mixed up,
i couldn’t write anymore.
and so we packed all of our things and headed north for the spring,
i was finally single for once,
then tour finally started we had our friends and our guitars ready to take on the unknowing world,
you helped me through the door,
that we’ve stared at since i can remember,
and we knew there was so much more,
now this is life yeah this is what we’ve waited for.
i’d watch the city from the window on the train,
you can’t sit still for anything but it’s our stop so it won’t matter anyway.
do you remember?

And I’m so excited. Autumn to me is the best time of year to start something new and go through a change. Everything around is changing, the weather, the leaves, the colors, and of course Thanksgiving is amazing. But I’m going to start a little early and post somethings that really remind me of Fall and how awesome it is.

And also, I don’t know why I made that image but I have a consistency of 600 width images going on so whatever I’m going to roll with it.

I’m going to start off with some videos of songs that give me that fall feeling, or near summers end.

Ace Enders - No Good At Saying Sorry

Ace Enders - Something That Produces Results

To You - Midnight Aria

Firewater - Yellowcard

Besides music and stuff, it’s about time I go and pick up some Fall clothing seeing as none of mine fits me anymore and I have a bunch of giftcards I never used. Here are some things I’m looking at!

I really love the flannel shirts.

And of course some photos…

Hahaha, I love the fall.

Blast from the past 06′

hahahahahahah wow